A real deep bro.

• 2011-05-16

  

  DYING.

• 2011-04-22

  Coachella 2011 Day Three.

  You can ask anyone; the Friday of Coachella comes on strong for everyone, especially the virgins. There’s a sensory overload that makes the kingdom of fear disappear so fast and so hard that if you were asked who the president of the USA was, you’d probably get “COAAAAAAAACHELLAAAAAA!!!!” as the typical response.

  Friday started off for me as I got my goth on with Cold Cave. If you look at an earlier video I posted, you can see my monkey arms going off during their set. I swear Americans (especially Los Angelenos) are spoiled with the amount of opportunities they have to see talented performers live. I heard a lot of people say they couldn’t get into their set, but I thought it was a perfect way to start the first proper day at Coachella. At one point, I’m screaming out the first chorus to Underworld USA so hard that they put me singing on the big screen instead of the band. I wish I had footage of that. A bearded visor-wearing brown man screaming out gothy lyrics with the biggest smile on his face ever. (Note: There were plenty of times where I had the biggest smile in the world.)

  We had to brave the worst ever in Skrillex (with special guests 12th planet and Korn (wtf)) to get into a mega-insane bro pit for OFWGKTA. Plagued with a few sound issues, OFWGKTA came through strong, complete with a Pharrell appearance, which pretty much set Friday off like a bomb. I had never seen so many kids lose their shit over free t-shirts. Luckily, the OFWGKTA shirt I was wearing (and that Taco was wearing too!) was purchased back in March at their show in SF. We felt like we just tried water from Mars and it turned us into super beings. After standing and dancing for 3 hours, we needed a sitdown, so we sat at the back of the Gobi, listening to Ariel Pink.

  It was at this moment, I wish I had my camera out. While sitting in the shade, my cousin and I were just chilling, relaxing, enjoying the music. Out of the corner of my eye, I see some dude rolling hard, and leaning on a pillar. I look to see if he’s okay, and I noticed his hand going down to his shorts, and he starts undoing them. At this point, I screamed, “HEY BRO, YOU BETTER NOT THINK ABOUT PISSING RIGHT HERE.”

  He looked up at me, shocked to think he wasn’t in a porta-potty. He looked confused. He looked high as fuck, but also confused.

  “Yeah, dude, I’m talking to you.”
  “I’m not doing anything, maaan.”
  “Dude, you were just reaching in for your cock, man, don’t deny it. This is not a fucking bathroom. If you’re gonna piss, go over there!”

  I pointed to the porta-pottys, and he nodded in agreement, yet still stayed there. My cousin lit a ciggarette, and I turned to watch Ariel Pink. But not even 10 seconds later, this dude was going back into his pants, and I screamed out, “DON’T EVEN FUCKING THINK OF PISSING ON MY COUSIN, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!”

  A lot of people were looking at me right now, and I didn’t give a shit. This high bastard thinks he can just whip his needle dick out and piss wherever.

  “I’m not gonna piss on him, bro!”
  “DUDE! YOU WERE GOING BACK INTO YOUR PANTS SO EITHER YOU WERE GONNA PISS OR YOU WERE GONNA START JERKING OFF, EITHER OR, WE DON’T WANT ANY OF THIS. DON’T MAKE ME HUMILIATE YOU EVEN MORE! I WILL MAKE YOU THIS YEAR’S FLIP FLOP DUDE/NAKED TASERED WIZARD, OKAY? GIVE ME A REASON AND I WILL MAKE YOU INTERNET FAMOUS. WE LIVE IN A FUCKING CIVILIZATION, BRO.”

  It was obvious that he was too fucking high to care, so I grabbed our stuff, and got the fuck out of there. A couple of people sitting by me followed suit. My cousin could not stop yelling “DO NOT EVEN THINK OF PISSING ON MY COUSIN” with a howling laughter added.

  After that debacle, we went to go see DFA records’ YACHT, which was a gnarly disco sweatbath, perfect for our first sunset set of the weekend. At Coachella, when day turns into night, a new beast emerges from the twilight, and it gets things weird and crazy for everyone involved. We went to the main stage to see Interpol, but without Carlos D, it just didn’t feel the same. However, during NYC, they showed this sullen looking woman, who didn’t move her face a little bit, and looked so emotional throughout the song. It was amazing. However, it made me realize that this was not the Interpol I had listened to in my youth. We left for Cut Copy, and made it only as far as the back sound booth, but holy shit, if this wasn’t one of the best dance parties I’ve seen in a long time. It didn’t even bother me when I saw a power squad of yellow shirted gay bears ferociously making out with each other, because Coachella is about having fun, no matter who you are, except if you’re gonna try and piss on my cousin.

  After Cut Copy, we headed over to the Gobi, where we caught up with a friend of ours we had lost during Odd Future. We celebrated, and got ready for my friend’s band, Monarchy, and the flash mob dance my friend had practiced a lot. Monarchy was a lot of fun, and my cousin was turned on to them for the first time, and has now become a super fan. They were so tight and played perfectly. Definitely a highlight for us.

  From Monarchy, we refulled and got ready to rush for our hallowed main stage spot right after Kings of Leon finished. We got together, and made a human train, which I led, through the masses until we popped into our spot, with tons of breathing space, parallel to where the Dirty Epic glowruption was going to take place. It had been about 12 years since I last saw Chemical Brothers, so this was going to be a treat. As you will tell by some of the video I posted, it was pretty intense. Even with screen difficulties, the Brothers managed to flex their muscle hard, and they did destroy the mainstage harder than anyone I had seen on that stage before.

  Friday was a dance party that kicked Coachella 2011 off until the sun came up. As we walked back to our bikes, we saw the camping grounds, and my friend said that it looked like something out of District 9. At that point, I yelled out, “HAVE FUN, YOU FUCKING PRAWNS!” and kept laughing about it until the sun came up as I lounged in a hot tub, grateful for being alive.

• 2010-12-14

  

  Pharrell’s new 14 Million dollar Miami pad.